In the infamous words of Blink 182— “nobody likes you when you’re 23.”
The only significance in turning 23 is that you have reached the precipice of your mid 20’s. By now you have (most likely) graduated college and entered the real world with full force.
Unfortunately, the real world is chock full of unrealistic expectations that us “adults” need to follow in order to appease the judgmental masses of generations past (as they wait for us to fail while collecting their social security checks).
If we want to be taken seriously, there are just some things we need to stop doing.
Baby steps, people—that’s the key.
- Asking your parents for pocket money.
- Not having a job—even if you can’t find the job of your dreams, you need to work. I don’t care if you’re making low-fat macchiatos all day for self-entitled white girls—you have to hustle.
- Sleeping past noon (this isn’t easy to give up, but it has to be done).
- Not knowing your social security number by heart (a police officer once asked me for my social security number while I was receiving an open container ticket in Manhattan. She was appalled when I didn’t know).
- Not knowing how to write a check
- Only putting 5 dollars-worth of gas in your car at a time.
- Taking Molly and actually thinking it’s a good idea (your experimental drug phase should be slowing down to a halt by 23—just smoke pot and drink gin martinis, lay off the hard stuff).
- Getting less than 5 hours of sleep.
- Not eating breakfast.
- Being completely unaware of what’s going on in the world.
- Not buying your parents gifts for holidays/birthdays.
- Not knowing how to tip servers appropriately.
- Giving your parents attitude (you can’t blame teenage angst anymore—respect your parents).
- Perpetually being late.
- Not keeping your word.
- Getting in trouble with the law.
- Disregarding your health—I’m not saying 23 is old, but it’s older and your body is only a couple years away from changing and not in the good way. Start taking better care of it.
- Completely avoiding literature—if you’re not in school anymore, you need to find the time to read on your own. Find a genre that you’re interested in. I don’t care if its sports fiction—just read. Your brain isn’t going to the necessary stimulation it needs from your twitter feed.
- Arguing entirely with profanities/insults. Arguing is inevitable at any age but eventually you have to learn how to use constructive dialogue. Calling someone an “asshole” 17 consecutive times isn’t going to solve anything.
- Using your college e-mail as your primary account (I’m guilty of this but it’s time to let go).
- Holding grudges from High School (it’s been 5 years—get over it).
- Thinking you know everything.
- Incessantly worrying about your future—things have a way of working out. Be patient, stay focused and keep the stress at bay. Your life is really just beginning—enjoy it